Written By: Jase Marsiglia
In Nordic folklore, a troll is an ugly, ancient creature said to lurk beneath bridges, in caves, or hidden in mountain forests. Some are friendly. Some are evil. Some are short, diminutive monsters. Some are giants that tower over trees. Some are dumb. Some are intelligent. From J.R.R. Tolkien’s literature to Dungeons & Dragons, trolls were a common mainstay in fantasy literature and film before a “rebranding” of sorts in the early days of the internet, when a “troll” became some basement-dwelling dork who posted unpopular hot takes and started needless fights for their own amusement. As of 2016, they are glittery little singers voiced by Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake. Whatever form they take, the titular creature in today’s film probably looks like your stereotypical idea of a troll, but you are unlikely to have seen behavior quite like this in any other film of its type.
And I am not even referring to the troll at this point.
In special makeup effects wizard John Carl Buechler’s 1986 film about a small family moving into a very peculiar apartment complex in San Francisco, the mischievous little creature is not hiding beneath the Golden Gate Bridge waiting to collect a toll, start a rock band, or insult internet “newbies.” It lurks in the basement laundry room. And with tenants like these, even the troll will have its hands full. Dig out your "Blue Cheer" record and save room for a Rat Burger. We are looking back at 40 years of Empire Pictures’…
Troll (1986)
⭐️⭐️
Harry Potter (yes, Harry fucking Potter), played by the wonderfully dry-humored Michael Moriarty from "The Stuff", moves his family into an apartment complex filled with a truly bizarre collection of tenants. Across the hall in 1B is retired Army veteran Barry Tabor (Gary Sandy of "WKRP in Cincinnati"), who believes reading books is for “liberal commies.” Upstairs in 2A is chauvinist swinger Peter Dickinson (a skeevy Sonny Bono), who thinks he is God’s gift to women but would probably be more useful as an out-of-work home decorator. Apartment 2B houses aspiring actress and waitress Jeannette Cooper, played by former "Saturday Night Live" alum and future "Seinfeld" star Julia Louis Dreyfus, while down the hall in 2C lives the friendly Professor Mallory (Phil Fondacaro of "Return of the Jedi" Ewok fame), who is quietly battling cancer.
The top floor appears to be occupied solely by Eunice St. Clair (the wonderful June Lockhart from "Lost in Space"), a benevolent witch coincidentally stationed there to ensure that Torok, a vengeful troll (also played by Fondacaro under layers of make up), does not launch a crusade to invade modern day San Francisco with ancient fairy tale goblins, pod people, elves, and nymphs. Of all the apartment buildings in all the world, of course he is lurking in the basement of the one she happens to live in.
Harry’s daughter Wendy is the first to encounter Torok and is quickly kidnapped, trapped in a sleep-like stasis somewhere within the building. Torok can shape shift, transforming himself into the little blonde girl and skipping from apartment to apartment, causing bizarre chaos along the way. People are turned into veggie pods, giggling forest nymphs, and chanting little ghoulies, all through the power of an enchanted ring. Keep an eye out for the infamous “Fish Ghoulie,” hidden alongside the director’s cameo.
The first to notice Wendy’s sudden and unsettling behavior is her older brother, Harry Potter Jr. (Noah Hathaway of "The NeverEnding Story"). His search for answers leads him to Eunice’s apartment, where she and her raspberry-spitting mushroom “pet” warn him that dark magic is at work. After a crash course in the ancient war between humans and trolls, she arms him with an enchanted spear and explains that Torok must be stopped before the final two apartments fall under his spell, breaking the barrier between the fairy tale world and our own.
WATCH THE TRAILER FOR "TROLL" BELOW
After the surprise success of "Ghoulies", Charles Band sent much of Empire Pictures’ production output to Giove, Italy, where John Carl Buechler directed "Troll" while simultaneously working on effects for both this film and "TerrorVision".
One of Empire’s strangest offerings, and that is saying something, "Troll" leans more toward comedic dark fantasy than outright horror. It sits somewhere alongside "The Dark Crystal", "Legend", and "Labyrinth", albeit cheaper, stranger, and significantly goofier. The film feels like a spiritual cousin to "Ghoulies", sharing much of the same creative DNA, an off kilter sense of humor, a love for oddball creatures, and performances that fully commit to the madness. Moriarty’s sudden living room rock out to Blue Cheer’s “Summertime Blues” alone is something you have to see to believe.
You are unlikely to encounter another film quite like "Troll", for better or worse. It is harmless, weird fun, especially for younger viewers not quite ready for harder horror.
As for us adults, well…
I remember a late summer evening as a kid, sitting in my parents’ basement while talking on the phone with a friend. Troll came on cable, and we both switched to it mid-conversation. After plenty of laughs and "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-style riffing, the film drifted into the back of my brain for decades. It is strange enough to linger there, tucked near memories of Sonny Bono turning into a slime pod or a young Julia Louis Dreyfus dancing around in a Poison Ivy outfit. Despite all of that, "Troll" just sits in the basement of your subconscious, somewhere near the washing machine, waiting to be rediscovered.
Time: 83 minutes
Italy
Rated: PG 13
Empire Pictures
HOME VIDEO
Originally released on home video in the summer of 1986 through Vestron Video, Troll resurfaced over the years in various formats, often paired with its even stranger name only sequel, Troll 2. Many of these editions are now long out of print, though the film has a habit of resurfacing under new distributors. One of the strongest releases remains Scream Factory’s 2015 double feature, which included the documentary Troll Empire: The Making of Troll, the theatrical trailer, and a photo gallery. Early pressings also included The Best Worst Movie on a separate disc, though that veers firmly into Troll 2 territory.
BITS ’N’ PIECES
Followed by:
Despite its cult following, "Troll" was neither a box office nor critical success. Somehow, a sequel still emerged in 1990, and if you think this one is strange, "Troll 2" is an entirely different beast.
Traum A Meter: 1 out of 4.
A few goopy moments, a winged monster in the finale, and brief partial nudity, but overall this is tame fare. Fantasy horror that kids can laugh at.
Today’s Jam
“Summertime Blues” by Blue Cheer feels a little on the nose. Mr. Mister’s “Kyrie” was the number one rock song the week Troll quietly entered the bottom of the box office.
THIS EPISODE’S MORAL:
Raaaaaaattttt Burgerrrrrrr!
0 comments