Written by: Jase Marsiglia
Spandau Ballet bassist Martin Kemp plays a lovelorn vampire who pines for a relationship he once had centuries ago with a beautiful princess (Rebecca Ferratti, the “overly thankful” dog owner in the opening of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective). With only three days until his ‘eternal slumber’ (talk about waiting ‘til the last minute!), he seems to have found his princess’s soul within the nubile, virginal body of cute college girl Charlotte (“Who’s the Boss?” star Alyssa Milano).
Only her love (and virgin blood, of course) can keep him from eternal sleep, so he sets to work driving a wedge between her and her boyfriend Chris (Spellcaster co-star, the late Harold Pruett). Being sexually repressed at 18 and pressured to “play the field” by her horny peers (The Craft’s Rachel True and Cabin Fever’s Jordan Ladd), Charlotte attempts some carnal rebellion, posing nude for an erotic photographer’s impromptu shoot, using curse words (gasp!), smoking, and having dreams of orgies. This all leads to a lot of heavy breathing, bare breasts, and bad music.
The Nosferatu Diaries: Embrace of the Vampire (1995)
⭐️⭐️
As far as your garden-variety erotic horror goes, The Nosferatu Diaries: Embrace of the Vampire offers the usual titillating sex, with Milano certainly delivering to everyone who had a crush on her growing up (and who didn’t?) in a broad, steamy gesture to shed her “good girl” image. The vampire plot is superfluous. No matter how many times Kemp bares his fangs, the film is more about repression and sexual exploration than “horror,” per se.
But there’s worse out there (MUCH worse), and this sleeper direct-to-video hit certainly benefits from the talent of its cast of young stars, including a brief cameo by the sultry Jennifer Tilly and Charlotte Lewis from The Golden Child. A steamier “Unrated Version” includes about a minute or so of extra skin. It’s not much, but closer to what the director envisioned, I suppose, and the version this review was based on.
WATCH THE ORIGINAL TRAILER FOR "THE NOSFERATU DIARIES: EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE" BELOW
We have to admit, the addition of Lenny Kravitz, "Are You Gonna Go My Way" to the films trailer really surprised us and made us legit chuckle at the silliness of its placement for the film. It's a crack up, trust us.
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Released on VHS in 1995, The Nosferatu Diaries: Embrace of the Vampire was a bit of a cult hit on video, thanks largely to the option to watch either the R-Rated or Unrated version, depending on your predilection, in a marketing move that all but guaranteed fans of Milano would chomp at the bit to see her in something risqué. A DVD was released in 1999, cobbling both versions onto one flipper disc for ease of options, but as of 2013, only the Unrated Cut was passed onto Blu-ray, with no additional fanfare.
While neither release has any bonus material, for my money, the better option is still the 1999 DVD, because at least that one comes with both versions of the film, which should please completists.
BITS ‘N’ PIECES
Traum-A-Meter: 1 out of 4.
It ain’t gory, folks. This one is all about the eroticism.
Today’s Jam: The Nosferatu Diaries: Embrace of the Vampire was released during the very height of “Friends”-mania, so if you were cruising to your local video rental store to pick up a VHS for the weekend, you likely heard one of television’s most annoying earworms, “I’ll Be There for You” by The Rembrandts, floating through your receiver.
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