Written By: Jase Marsiglia
Like millions of others, I laughed like hell when I heard the announcement of the co-production of a film called Sharknado, a title so gloriously absurd that it just had to mean that low-budget schlock company The Asylum and the terribly rebranded SyFy Channel were going to be lampooning their long history of ridiculous animal attack/nature disaster hybrid flicks like Arachnoquake, Ice Spiders, Piranhaconda, and Frankenfish. There was an opportunity here. A window in time where both companies could say, "We know what we're putting out is ridiculous. Here's an Airplane!-style send-up of those movies, just to prove we're good sports."
Imagine my disappointment upon watching that Sharknado is no better or worse than those aforementioned B-movies and never strived to be for one second (at least not this time).
Sharknado (2013)
⭐️1/2
An apparent result of global warming, Hurricane David sweeps into the Santa Monica coast, bringing with it several sharks who are whipped through windows, onto streets, and across boardwalks, messily devouring anyone they encounter. When the "Sharknado" hits the bar owned by ace surfer Fin (heh) Shepard (Beverly Hills, 90210 heartthrob Ian Ziering), he sets out to see if his bitchy ex-wife (American Pie's Tara Reid) and estranged daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples) are safe. Taking his sexy waitress Nova (gorgeous Make It or Break It star Cassandra Scerbo), best friend Baz (Australian Baywatch star Jaason Simmons), and the local barfly George (Home Alone's John Heard) along with him, they set out into the flooded streets of California on their rescue mission, all the while badly rendered CGI sharks chomp on everyone in bloody explosions of equally badly rendered CGI gore, all set against obviously sunny afternoon skies tinted to look "stormy."
To the credit of all involved, no one was more surprised by the runaway success of Sharknado than its creators, particularly Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood! (I'm not kidding) writer Thunder Levin and Headless Horseman director Anthony C. Ferrante. Sharknado was just another idea on the whiteboard until the title went viral and, likely for the first time in history, people were marking their calendars for a SyFy Original premiere.
The night it aired, it earned a respectable 1.37 million viewers, a relatively average audience for the channel. But then #Sharknado began to trend. SyFy aired it again a week later, and viewership climbed even higher. Eventually, the hype behind the film became so substantial that not only did a third airing on July 27 surpass 2 million viewers, a record for the network, but it also received a small yet unprecedented theatrical run in 200 theaters across the country.
Soon, shirts, bags, posters, and Funko Pops were in stores, and people were throwing hard-earned cash at an Asylum Entertainment/SyFy Channel film. Sharknado was officially a pop culture phenomenon and, to this very day, still holds a mind-boggling 78% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Now, 13 years, five sequels (with one more evidently in the works), books, and a RiffTrax Live event later, Sharknado is a cult hit. It's a success far broader than anything SyFy or The Asylum have ever experienced and even gave Ian Ziering's career a recharge.
To be fair, Ziering is great and seems to have a knowing wink at the material that tightrope walks between giving it his all while not taking it too seriously. It's the type of role someone like Bruce Campbell would openly chew. I can't detect anything similar from anyone else, maybe the late John Heard, who at one point smacks a shark aside with his trusty barstool, and therein lies the biggest problem.
Sharknado just isn't clever enough to live up to, or down to rather, its viral title. It simply throws sharks at people and expects that to be funny. At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, it just isn't. Being in the minority on a film like Sharknado wasn't on my Bingo card in 2013, but I've remained there for 13 years.
I don't hold anyone responsible here. When it comes to SyFy or The Asylum, you have to arm yourself with certain expectations. The "mockbuster," as it's come to be called, was never meant to be anything but a silly, low-budget title gag designed to exploit an actual blockbuster film.
Snakes on a Plane? How about Snakes on a Train?
The Da Vinci Code? How about The Da Vinci Treasure?
AVP: Alien vs. Predator? Okay, what about AVH: Alien vs. Hunter?
I've barely chipped the top of this iceberg, and that's not even including everything involving sharks. 2-Headed Shark Attack, 3-Headed Shark Attack, 5-Headed Shark Attack, and 6-Headed Shark Attack. Mega Shark battled Crocosaurus, Mecha Shark, Giant Octopus, and Kolossus. Did you know there was a Planet of the Sharks, Empire of the Sharks, Ice Sharks, Shark Season, Shark Side of the Moon, Shark Waters, Shark Terror, Shark Thrash, House Sharks, Roboshark, Raging Sharks, Sky Sharks, Super Shark, Swamp Shark, Sharkenstein, Ozark Sharks, and even, God help me, Shark Exorcist?
You could easily watch a different shark-related B-movie every single day for a year, and it would barely be a drop in the bucket.
WATCH THE OFFICIAL TRAILER FOR SHARKNADO BELOW
My point here is that Sharknado is no different from the legion of films in this overbloated category, and the makers behind it were fully aware of that. Remember, drawing a line from a random animal to a random natural disaster was just another day at the office for these studios, and they had no idea walking into work that day that Sharknado would be the one that shoved their little production company into the limelight.
When your factory keeps cranking out the same chocolate bar every week, changing only the name and wrapper, and one day someone says, "Now this is a quality chocolate bar," you likely look to your peers and shrug. Who knew?
As of this writing, I've only seen Sharknado and Sharknado 2: The Second One, and there's an obvious choice made in the sequel to "lean into the skid," so to speak, and play up the absurdity of the situation. I can't say it sticks the landing smoothly, but it's far more entertaining than the original. I'd assume, simply by the titles alone (Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, Sharknado: The 4th Awakens, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, and The Last Sharknado: It's About Time), that the effort to continue finding the humor in both the idea and the fanaticism surrounding it remains prevalent.
But this first Sharknado's success, even in retrospective viewings, is still a mystery to me. It caught the zeitgeist at just the right moment and, for a brief period in time, a solid five years at minimum, made The Asylum the cool kid on the block and turned SyFy Original weekends into event television again.
My opinion is irrelevant, but Sharknado's success, mystifying though it may be to me, is obvious and evident. While I think the idea is stronger than the execution, I imagine it would have been a knee slapper as a faux trailer in Grindhouse, no one can take away the impact this silly little flick had on America, and eventually the world. You have to respect that.
If nothing else, it just might be the perfect flick to watch with a group of horror buddies, a couple of pizzas, and a beer.
Lots, and lots, and lots of beer.
HOME VIDEO
Barely two months after its premiere, Sharknado was jettisoned to home video, released on both DVD and Blu-ray by Asylum Home Entertainment. Here's the breakdown:
• Audio Commentary with director Anthony C. Ferrante and cast members Jaason Simmons, Aubrey Peeples, and Cassie Scerbo.
• Sharknado: Behind the Scenes
• Sharks Falling from the Sky: The Sharknado Gag Reel
• Theatrical Trailer
BITS 'N' PIECES
Traum-A-Meter:
2 out of 4.
Plenty of gore and grisly shark attacks, but you've likely seen better effects on your PlayStation 3.
Today's Jam: "Came Back Haunted" by Nine Inch Nails might have been playing through your new MP3 player the evening Sharknado whirled onto television screens.
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