Written by: Jase Marsiglia
A group of girls from Catholic Trinity School for Girls are asked by Mother Superior that, due to their piety and good behaviour (a laugh in itself, as they all proudly engage in their fair share of sex, drugs and booze), to head up to the old Welles estate to catalogue the artwork for an estate sale. The sprawling mansion already has a reputation around Philadelphia for being haunted, and no less than a few days prior to the girls' arrival, a young boy was dared to go inside by his friends, only to encounter a worm-infested spectre that scared him into shock.
Within the first day, the journal of Jennifer Welles, the girl said to have died in the mansion, is found by Jackie (Mollie O’Mara), and Sister Urban (a truly authentic Vera Gallagher in a one-and-done performance) gets a little cagey when asked about the young woman after her name appears in the journal. The plot thickens when the girls hold a late-night séance, which seems to anger whatever spirit is lurking around the mansion. And what’s with that painting over the fireplace of Jennifer? She bears a striking resemblance to Jackie.
Soon, the girls are being systematically slaughtered by an assailant wielding a massive meat cleaver. At first, the girls believe their friends’ disappearances are pranks (or bids to get out of work), but when the bodies begin to pile up, it becomes evident that someone on the property wants them dead and out of the Welles estate’s affairs.
Girls School Screamers (1986)
⭐️⭐️ (1/2)
Shot primarily at the Belvedere Mansion in Philadelphia, "Girls School Screamers" was completed sometime around 1984 and handed off to none other than “Uncle” Lloyd Kaufman’s Troma Entertainment for post-production, where the team added a little extra “oomph” to the murders, smattering some gore where there once was none. Surprisingly, considering Troma’s penchant for creative ways to spray blood, "Girls School Screamers" isn’t the splatter-fest one might expect, with an electrocution scene being the film’s goopiest (and most impressive) kill sequence.
But the gore isn’t the only place "Girls School Screamers" stops short. It has all the necessary ingredients for a cheesy mid-80s slasher: a large gothic mansion as its setting, 30-somethings playing college kids, a backstory via a missing diary steeped in tragedy and murder, and a fantastic synth score by John Hodian (where’s the soundtrack for this?). It also dabbles in scandalous incestual themes, reincarnation, possession, and culminates in a satanic wedding. With so many elements spinning around it, somehow, "Girls School Screamers" still limps to the finishing line without much enthusiasm. Which is a shame, because writer/director John P. Finnegan, who only directed this one film, has an eye for the genre and clearly a talent for building a suspenseful narrative. Sadly, it ultimately just doesn’t gel, even with so many things going for it.
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Initially released by Troma on DVD in 1998, their copy had the usual Troma-tic features like “The Troma Intelligence Test” and “Public Service Announcements,” which had nothing to do with the film itself, aside from some production stills and a theatrical trailer.
And while it features neither of those small items, the Vinegar Syndrome Limited Edition Blu-ray released in 2021 (limited to 5,000 copies) still includes some fun extras, which consist of:
• Audio commentary with writer/director/producer John P. Finnegan
• Audio commentary with editor/assistant director Tom Rondinella and second assistant camera/second assistant director Bill Pace
• 28 Seconds of Violence: The Making of Girls School Screamers
• Reversible cover insert featuring both British and Spanish VHS cover art options
• Limited Edition site-exclusive slipcover featuring newly commissioned design by Earl Kess
As of this posting, there are still about 900 copies left, but once they’re gone, they’re gone!
BITS ‘N’ PIECES
Traum-A-Meter:
2 Out Of 4.
There’s a cleaver to the face, a hoisting hook through the spine, and an electrocution that leaves someone thoroughly broiled, but gore wasn’t the focus of this mystery.
Today’s Jam: The weekend the schoolgirls were taking inventory in "Girls School Screamers", Whitney Houston was covering the 1977 George Benson single for the Muhammad Ali biopic "The Greatest" with “The Greatest Love of All.”
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