Written by: Jase Marsiglia
Furballs. More than just a damp little surprise left behind by our hacking cats, these things have been causing problems all across the galaxy.
Remember Tribbles? Those harmless, toupee-looking fuzzballs that infested the Starship Enterprise during season two of "Star Trek". Cute, cuddly, and multiplying like rabbits, they were more of an inconvenience than a threat.
Then you’ve got Mogwai from "Gremlins". Adorable at first glance, sure. Big eyes, floppy ears, all that. But leave them unchecked, feed them after midnight, and suddenly you’re dealing with full-blown Gremlins. Scaly, chaotic, and very into property damage.
Krites, the little nightmares from "Critters", are something else entirely.
Critters (1986) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Yeah, they’re furballs. But that’s where the similarities end. These things roll like tumbleweeds, pack rows of razor teeth, and have one goal in mind: eat everything in sight.
They bust out of an asteroid prison, hijack a ship, and make a beeline straight for Earth. Their landing spot? A quiet farm in Kansas. Bad move for everyone involved. Not far behind them are a pair of intergalactic bounty hunters, shape-shifting enforcers sent in for cleanup. Their only instruction: contain the situation and don’t level the place like last time.
No promises.
It’s easy to slap the “Gremlins rip-off” label on "Critters", and yeah, the comparison makes sense on paper. Small monsters, small town, chaos ensues. But that doesn’t tell the whole story. Director Stephen Herek and co-writer Domonic Muir knew exactly what they were doing, and they leaned into it with confidence.
WATCH THE TRAILER FOR "CRITTERS" BELOW
The real secret weapon here is the effects work from Chiodo Brothers. These creatures aren’t just props. They’ve got personality. They snarl, chatter, curse, and bounce around like they own the place. One of the best bits involves a Critter trying to communicate with an E.T. doll, getting visibly irritated when it gets nothing back. It’s dumb, it’s perfect, and it works.
Then there’s the setting. Grover’s Bend feels like it was ripped straight out of a 50s sci-fi flick. Think "The Blob" or "Invaders from Mars". Small town, big problem, nobody prepared.
The cast sells it across the board. Dee Wallace brings that grounded, familiar energy, while M. Emmet Walsh plays a sheriff who is absolutely in over his head. Lin Shaye pops in as the ever-present dispatcher, glued to the radio like the town’s last line of defense. The rest of the crew rounds things out with charm, never tipping too far into parody even when they’re fighting off rolling balls of teeth.
That’s the thing. This movie should not work as well as it does.
But it does.
Where other films in this lane crash and burn, Critters somehow holds it together. It’s weird, funny, a little nasty, and way more polished than its budget has any right to be.
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If you’re looking to revisit the chaos, Scream Factory dropped a solid box set featuring all four films, stacked with extras. You’ve got commentary tracks, a full documentary titled They Bite! The Making of Critters, behind-the-scenes footage, and more.
Across the pond, Arrow Video went even harder with a 2024 UK release. Same core features, plus a new commentary and a 60-page hardbound book packed with essays. If you’ve got a region-free player, that’s the one to hunt down.
BITS ‘N’ PIECES
Traum-A-Meter:
1 out of 4
A few nasty bites, some alien goo, but nothing too intense. This is all in good, chaotic fun.
Today’s Jam:
While the Critters were tearing through Kansas, Robert Palmer had everyone hooked with “Addicted to Love.”
THIS EPISODE’S MORAL:
Be nice to the town simpleton. He just might save your life.
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