Review: The Windmill (2016)

Set in Holland, this slash and dash flick is yet another sinners-get-punished romp through cultural cliches, clockwork kills, and warped faced killers. Good choice, Netflix.A group of motley tourists get together on this Holland tour bus to see all the sights. Unfortunately, the bus breaks down near a creepy old windmill that isn’t marked on the map; and the one person there who happens to be on meds is blamed for the insane deaths of the fellow passengers, when in actually it was a spiked clog wearing Hatchet looking motherfucker.

The practical effects were gnarly as fuck; I’m talking smashed skulls via boot with eyes squishing out- yes! But the choppy CGI blood spurts put a damper on the party. Very 80s horror reminiscent in the sense of campy, bright gore. There wasn’t a whole lotta gushing going on but when it happened, it was good.

The plot was thread barren; the motif of past mistakes coming back to haunt you is frankly BORING AS SHIT. Think harder. Do different. Stop sucking. It’s either the subject of sinning or being a sinner or committing the seven deadly sins that gets thrown in the recycle bin. Just dump it.

Other than that, the characters weren’t all that interesting; our lead is suffering from a childhood trauma, the prick of the group is a work-riddled dick with a sickly teenage boy who is literally over everything that is happening, a former toothpaste spokesmodel who happens to understand the random Asian guy who can’t speak a lick of English or Dutch, and a bitter ass doctor.  None of them really stuck out in terms of performance but then again, nothing really stuck out in this movie.

This one is made purely for the blood-thirsty horror hounds out there with the main emphasis on practical, close up effects. Everything else is either nay or yay; just kinda meh.

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  1 comment for “Review: The Windmill (2016)

  1. Jay
    April 9, 2017 at 9:39 PM

    Gave it a thumbs down cause the ending was retarded as hell

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