Review: The Beaster Bunny! (2017)

Don’t put all your Easter eggs in your basket and run for your lives as The Beaster Bunny hops into gutter trash cinema history.

It’s always a pain to write reviews for movies that were made with the full intent of being terrible and cliche. It’s borderline shameful to pawn something off so cheeky as a horror movie, as the crew for The Beaster Bunny seemingly posted signs asking for terrible actors, 5th hand special effect artists, and cinematographers with an iPhone 5c. But I’ll write one anyways, because it’s what I do.

The Beaster Bunny is the tale of a small town who is recently invaded by a 50 foot vintage marionette rabbit puppet who can’t seem to move it’s feet in front of the jittery green screen. The main players include an ambitious dog catcher who carries the movie by dragging it through the forest of ridiculous, pointless kills of half naked women who reveal their breasts for no fucking reason, other shitty actors’ performances, shaky cam, iPhone quality audio, and the most lackluster conclusion known to man. There’s also a boring, stoner mayor, an aspiring artist teeny bopper, and an old grouchy boss man.

I was kind of expecting something like Trollhunter, where a giant CGI beast was present (like on the cover for this movie,) but I was hoodwinked in every single aspect. There’s really no redeeming quality to this Easter holiday flick; it’s pretty obvious it was meant to be bad, therefore it doesn’t deserve bad movie glory like Troll 2. There has to be another Easter horror movie that’s deserving of attention.

This review was made possible by Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin wine, as it would have been honestly impossible without the consumption of alcohol.

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