TV Recap – AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN “Boy Parts”

Something wicked this way comes…read on to see what happened in this week’s episode!

During the cold open we are introduced to two good ol’ boys that are trapping gators and shooting them in the head.  When they get back to relatively dry land they find the resurrected Misty Day, who is extremely pissed that the gators are dead.  One of the men pulls a gun on her and tells her she wouldn’t mess with dead things or she might become one.  She tells him that they aren’t all dead and before the gunman can even move one of the gators hanging from the trees basically swallows his entire arm and shoulder.  The other man starts running, trips and is promptly put in a head lock by another gator’s teeth.

"Just came back from the dead and my hair still looks fantastic, even in this humidity!"

“Just came back from the dead and my hair still looks fantastic, even in this humidity!”

Zoe is reading about poor Kyle on the internet and Madison could care less.  Cordelia is waking all the girls for their morning gathering and she knocks on Fiona’s door last.  She continues knocking until Fiona finally opens the door and she is greeted by a stench emanating from within the room.  Fiona explains that she has gotten some Chinese herbs and that is the cause of the smell.  She tells Cordelia that she will be down in a few minutes and closes the door.  We see that Madame LaLaurie is tied to a chair and has a gag in her mouth.  Fiona takes the gag off and LaLaurie starts screaming.  Fiona scrambles to shut her fat mouth.

Next we get our first flashback of the episode.  It is about how Queenie came to be at the school.  She is working in a fried chicken joint when a customer starts harassing her and calling her names.  Without a second thought she plunges her arm, elbow deep, into the fryer.  The customer’s arm begins to basically boil.  Now he knows how the chicken he was eating feels.  In the present she tells the group that she had no idea that there were black witches and that she found out that she is an heir to Tituba, a house slave in Salem.  The gathering is interrupted by two detectives that want to speak to Zoe and Madison about a certain bus tipping incident.  The four of them and Cordelia go into a separate room.  Madison is keeping her mouth shut and Zoe looks as nervous as hell.  One of the detectives tells Zoe that he knows she went to the hospital and that her boyfriend died in the exact same way that the frat boy did.  Zoe then freaks and starts squealing.  Fiona comes to the rescue and pours the detectives some water…and spits in it.  One of the men won’t drink his spit water and Fiona is losing her patience.  The man’s nose starts bleeding and his head is shaking violently similar to Zoe’s power.  He finally drinks up and Fiona tells them that they will never speak of the girls or the bus flipping incident again.

Fiona goes up to the girls’ room and throws them against the wall.  She is the most pissed at Zoe being a rat and calls her weak.  She warns the girls, “The only thing you have to be afraid of is me”.  Later Madison drives Zoe to an old building…the morgue.  She picks the lock and tells Zoe that she wants to thank her for helping her at the party.  Her way of saying thank you?  Just a little resurrection spell.  Kyle and the other frat boys are mostly in pieces.  Madison wants to build the perfect boyfriend.  How sweet.  Elsewhere Cordelia is at the OBGYN with her husband Hank.  She asks if she’s ready to have a bun in her oven and he says no.  He wants her to consider IVF.  Hank asks her if she wants to do a spell instead and Cordelia doesn’t seem to care for the idea much.

Fiona brings LaLaurie some fried chicken and tells her that she has been buried for 180 years.  We have our next flashback to LaLaurie waking up after drinking the love potion.  Marie Laveau and some slaves call LaLaurie out.  She asks where her family is and Marie points over her head.  Her three daughters and husband are hanging from the second floor balcony.  Then Marie tells her that she didn’t take a love potion after all, it was an eternal life potion.  And as we know already she is buried alive.

"I dig you out of the ground and you don't even have the courtesy to eat my fried chicken?!"

“I dig you out of the ground and you don’t even have the courtesy to eat my fried chicken?!”

Back at the body shop the girls are stitching together their perfect man with Kyle’s head.  They start reciting the spell, lighting candles and breathing in smoke from a bowl.  No, not that kind of smoke.  After they are through with their Latin incantation they realize that it must not have worked.  Madison goes outside to smoke and Zoe stays behind to apologize to Kyle.  A car pulls in next to Madison and she decides to get the hell out of dodge.  Inside Zoe kisses Kyle goodbye and we see a few shots of Misty walking in the swamp.  A man comes inside and discovers Kyle and Zoe hiding in the corner.  Kyle rises from the slab he is on and attacks the man with brute force.

Fiona is getting her hair done when a sassy looking Marie Laveau walks in.  She sends the other stylists out and says, “I’ll finish this one myself”.  Nan is at the school reading when she starts hearing voices.  She goes into Fiona’s room and tells LaLaurie that she is being too loud.  She unties her and tells her to get out.  LaLaurie runs into Queenie in the hall and calls her a slave.  Queenie gets righteously pissed and talks back to her.  When Queenie turns her back LaLaurie hits her on the noggin with a candlestick.  At the salon Marie and Fiona don’t play nice for very long and they start throwing insults at each other.  Fiona says that she wants immortality and that she has something that Marie wants.  Marie laughs in her face and tells her two guards to throw Fiona out.  Fiona starts lighting some wigs on fire with her mind.  Fiona leaves as the men put out the flaming coifs and tells Marie that she’ll be in touch.

"Can't I ever get some reading done without a bigot slave owner invading my mind?"

“Can’t I ever get some reading done without a bigot slave owner invading my mind?”

Cordelia and Hank are preparing for the fertility spell.  They make a circle of black sand and place large eggs around it.  They each say the spell and stab each other in the thumb and then they get down to sexy time.  The circle of sand turns into a circle of fire, the eggs crack open and baby snakes emerge.  The closer they slither to the couple the bigger they get.  By the time they are wrapped around their bodies they are the size of pythons.  As soon as they finish everything appears to go back to normal.

Zoe takes the keys from the newly dead man and helps her living dead boy into his car.  Kyle is freaking out and Zoe tells him that he died.  He starts throwing himself against the door and dashboard.  As she tries to keep the car on the road Misty pops up from the back seat and tells her that she drew her out there and then tells her to turn around.  They are at Misty’s little house in the swamp and she is putting a dressing on Kyle’s sutures.  She thanks Zoe for calling her so she’s not alone anymore.  Zoe tells her she has to leave and Misty says that when she comes back to see Kyle he’ll be much better.

Marie is talking to an unseen person saying that they’ll never believe who is back in town.  We hear the sound of chains and see that it is her lover, the minotaur.  I don’t know about you but it seems kind of sadistic to keep that poor bastard alive all this time.  Fiona finds LaLaurie sitting on a bench in front of her old house.  She talks about missing her children, even the ugly one.  She’s so damn charming.  Fiona says that if only ten of the hundreds of things she’s read about her are true she deserved everything she got.  LaLaurie tells her that she was just a woman of her time and Fiona calls bullshit on that.  She asks Fiona if she is a witch.  Fiona laughs and LaLaurie says that if she is she could find a way to kill her.  Fiona says that she won’t kill her yet and warns her that if she escapes again she’ll go right back in her casket.

Well that’s it for this week friendos.  How did you like the episode?  It was fun to see Jessica Lange and Kathy Bates together…not to mention Angela Bassett, she’s gorgeous and vicious!  Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week!

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