TV Recap – AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN “Bitchcraft”

It’s my favorite time of year and my favorite show is back so let’s breakdown everything witchy!

This season our story begins in New Orleans 1834.  Madame LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) is giving herself a facial…a blood facial.  She is interrupted by her husband who tells her that their youngest daughter has been sleeping with the houseman.  LaLaurie slaps the hell out of her and then her husband hauls the poor man upstairs where several other slaves are imprisoned, one has his eyes and mouth sewn shut.  A young boy is instructed to put a bull head on the houseman’s head and LaLaurie calls him her very own minotaur.

"When I was a little girl I didn't want a pony, I waned a minotaur and now I shall have one!"

“When I was a little girl I didn’t want a pony, I waned a minotaur and now I shall have one!”

Next we zoom into present time and meet Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) who is getting ready for sexy times with her boyfriend.  Soon after they begin the young man starts bleeding from his nose and eyes he has a seizure and he dies.  Sorry had to rhyme there.  Zoe’s mother tells her that she’s a witch and about a special school for girls like her.  Four men and red head Myrtle (Frances Conroy)take her by force to Mrs. Robichaux’s Academy.  She enters and begins looking for signs of life and is attacked by three girls in freaky masks.  They lift her onto a table and pretend to sacrifice her.  They unmask and introduce themselves.  First there is Madison (Emma Roberts), Nan (Jamie Brewer) and Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) they are the only students there.  Headmistress Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson) enters and tells Zoe about the history of the school.  She also says that in every generation of witches there is one woman who is a Supreme.  Supreme’s have more power than normal witches.  Then she tells all the girls that a few weeks ago a woman named Misty Day (Lily Rabe) who could raise the dead was burned at the stake for being a witch.  Cordelia doesn’t want this fate for her girls and warns them to be careful.

We are introduced to Fiona next, (Jessica Lange) who is talking with a scientist named David.  He shows her a video of an old monkey with severe health problems who after getting a shot begins acting like a spry young monkey.  Fiona says, “I’ll have what she’s having.”  David tells her that in two years it will be ready for humans, but Fiona demands it now.  We then see her five days later in her house rocking out to Iron Butterfly and snorting coke.  David knocks at the door and is irritated that he had to leave his daughter’s recital early to see her.  Fiona wants to know why her Fountain of Youth shot hasn’t worked yet.  She lowers the lights and with a flick of her wrist she throws him up against the wall.  She begins to kiss him and literally sucks the life out of him.  Bam!  Instant face lift!  As she looks in the mirror it fades away quickly and she breaks the mirror.

Back at school the girls are having dinner served by Spalding (Denis O’Hare), the tongue-less butler.  The girls ask Zoe what she is there for and bitchy Madison says it was her boyfriend.  Nan, who is clairvoyant, tells her she’ll find love again in an unexpected way.  Zoe asks Madison why she is there and we see a flashback to the somewhat famous actress who is being yelled at by the director to hit her mark.  Apparently Madison disagreed and used her telekinesis to drop a heavy stage light on his head to kill him.  Queenie is pissed and says Madison has no talent.  Madison uses her mind to throw Queenie’s soup on her.  Queenie grabs a fork and jams it into her hand and Madison starts screaming and now her hand is bleeding too.  Queenie tells her, “I’m a human voodoo doll bitch!”.  She then raises a knife to her throat and threatens to cut it but sweet Nan stops her and takes her for a walk.

Cordelia is alone making potions when a hand grabs her shoulder.  It is Fiona, her mother.  Fiona says she’s disappointed in her because she is the only child of a Supreme and isn’t living up to her potential.  Cordelia tells her to leave and that she is still pissed that she was abandoned at the school herself.  Fiona says she is definitely staying to help her and teach the girls that they don’t need to cower and hide anymore.  Next we see a bus full of frat boys being lectured not to be too rowdy by Kyle (Evan Peters).  In the club we see Madison and Zoe.  Kyle and Zoe make gaga eyes at each other through an ice sculpture.  My favorite couple from season one are together again!  Madison asks another frat boy to be her slave for the night and get her a drink, which he spikes.  He then drags her down the hall to a room where she is gang raped.  Kyle finds her and stops it.  He chases them onto the bus where one of the others knocks him out.  Zoe and Madison chase after the bus and Madison flips the bus upside down.

Welcome back Tate...I mean Kit...I mean Kyle!  That's it, Kyle!

Welcome back Tate…I mean Kit…I mean Kyle! That’s it, Kyle!

The next morning the girls are watching news about the crash.  Seven of the nine guys are dead.  Fiona says she is impressed with the bus flipping but that Madison was being a sloppy little witch bitch.  Madison tells her to go to hell and Fiona promptly slams her into the wall and takes the girls on a field trip.  She tells them that when witches don’t fight they burn.  Nan lags behind and makes her way into Madame LaLaurie’s mansion, which is now a historical site that offers tours for a price.  Fiona and the others find her and Fiona says they will stay.  When the tour guide asks them to pay Fiona says that they will be going through the house for free and the tour guide changes her tune quickly.  We see the silver bowl that LaLaurie used for her bloody beauty treatment and learn that she used a poultice with blood and pancreas for it.  In a flashback we see Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) go to LaLaurie’s door with a love potion that will stop her husband from straying.  She sucks it down quickly and remarks that it tastes of honeysuckle.  Of course it is poisoned.  The tour guide tells the girls that Laveau got her revenge because one of LaLaurie’s hostages was her lover.  Her body was never found.  Nan and Fiona are outside and Fiona asks her if she hears anything.  Looking at the cobblestone Nan says, “The lady of the house”.

"If any of you get out of hand I will not hesitate to throw you in frontof a moving car!"

“If any of you get out of hand I will not hesitate to throw you in front of a moving car!”

Zoe goes to the hospital and finds out that Kyle did not survive.  She is totally pissed.  She sees the guy that spiked Madison’s drink and climbs on top of him after giving him a handy j.  She proceeds to rape him until he dies.  What the hell would you call the power she has?  Black Widow?  Killer sex?  I don’t know.  She must have been last in line when they were passing out witchy powers that’s for sure.  Fiona has charmed two men to dig at the spot where Nan heard LaLaurie and they pull up a coffin.  She tells the men she would thank them but they won’t remember any of this.  She takes the chains off the coffin and finds LaLaurie inside…alive!  She waits for her to remove her gag and chains and then slowly walks off saying she’ll buy her a drink.

Well that was a pretty good first episode.  How did you like it friendos?  Feel free to let me know and thanks for reading!

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