TRUE BLOOD: Season Finale Recap – Save Yourself

I think the title of this episode should be Brace Yourself, seeing as how they only gave us an hour to tie up the many loose ends…and by the way, SPOILER ALERT!

First off I just have to get something off my chest.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am still a major TRUE BLOOD fan, but good Godric there were so many story lines.  It was almost as if we were watching a network’s Fall preview of TRUE BLOOD spin-offs!  We had story lines that weren’t even necessary, Ifrit I’m lookin’ at you!  We had beloved characters that hardly had anything to do, Lafayette’s big finale was making Cajun Margaritas and watching a Fairy give birth on a Merlotte’s pool table!  This was creator Allan Ball’s last season, and he left one hell of a bloody mess for the other writers to clean up.  Let’s get to it then, and see if we can make some sense out of everything.

Russell was last seen draining the elder fairy of all her blood and was preparing to descend on the Pleasure Palace, which he could now see.  Unlucky for him Eric and Nora show up.  For a second I thought Eric was only holding a stake to his chest while he was preoccupied because he didn’t explode immediately.  His face filled with light and I think he thought for a moment he would make it.  Wrong.  I will truly miss Russell, he was a fantastic villain.  Rest in pieces.  Russell’s new bf Steve Newlin hightails it out of there.  Sookie runs to Jason, who was zapped accidentally by the elder fairy.  He comes to, but now he is seeing his dead parents this episode.  When Eric tells Sookie that Bill has lost his mind with power and religion, Jason’s parents take the opportunity to tell him to go along so he can kill a lot of vamps.

 

To the fairies: "I'd love to come to dinner, unfortunately Eric is sneaking up on me right now."

 

Sam, Luna and Emma are still trapped in the authority along with a lot of naked people who are used to feed everyone.  Sam was caught outside the cell and volunteers to be Bill’s breakfast.  He tells Bill about Luna and Emma and pleads with him to let him go, but Bill won’t budge.  Sam shifts into a fly and we have our first funny moment of the episode.  Bill hops on pillars and walls to try to catch him, but Sam flies into the vent in the ceiling.  Bill is ever so pissed!

Sam navigates his way into the good Reverend Steve Newlin’s room and hatches a plan.  Next thing we know Luna has shifted into him, putting a leash on her little wolf pup Emma and trying to fake her way out of the compound.  Her interaction with the receptionist is priceless.  “Where’s your Southern accent?”  “Uh…sometimes I like to not have a Southern accent.”  Luna is trying to figure out the security system to open the elevator when Rosalyn starts screaming about when Russell and Steve decided to have Greek for dinner and slaughtered an entire frat house.  She needs “Steve” to go on the air immediately to do damage control.  As Luna/Steve sits in front of the camera trying to read the teleprompter she begins to, well, freak out.  Blood pours out of Luna/Steve’s mouth and BAM! Luna is back, looking sexy in Steve’s suit.  She tells the audience that the Authority has been capturing and feeding on humans.  While Rosalyn’s jaw is dropped on the floor, Sam the fly flies into her mouth and shifts inside her.  That was the best vamp explosion of the night!

Now for the wolves.  Alcide and his dad are bonding over a buck they have killed when Martha speeds up with Alcide’s lady friend Rikki.  She is OD’ing on V.  J.D. has been pouring it down her throat, and some other younger girls.  He has also been raping the younger girls.  They give her some silver to drink and she starts sweating blood on Alcide’s dad’s couch.  Don’t worry, it’s an ugly one.  Alcide is enraged and wants to kill J.D. and his daddy gives him a helping hand.  He keeps some good V on hand since he doesn’t run with a pack.  With the playing field leveled, Alcide beats the hell out of J.D. and snaps his neck.  The rest of the pack bows before him and he is finally their leader.  I thought his speech was very moving.  Alcide is a good man/wolf and hopefully season 6 holds more for him…without his shirt of course.

Poor Andy has shown up at Merlotte’s with his very pregnant fairy fling Maurella.  He now has to tell his gf Holly that he is the father.  As he is confessing Maurella starts having a very loud orgasm, no I am not joking.  Her light has broken and she is in labor, and loving it apparently.  One of her screams is loud it shatters glass.  She props herself on a pool table and poor Holly is forced to play midwife.  Lafayette, Arlene and a drunken patron look on as Andy becomes the proud papa of four baby girls!  Awww!  I wonder if they will grow as fast as they did in Maurella’s womb.  She was only pregnant about a week or two.  We shall see next season I suppose.

And now for the grand finale!  Eric, Nora, Jason, Sookie and Tara head to the Authority compound to rescue Jessica, Pam and hopefully Bill.  I must say I’ve never been a big Bill fan.  I find him boring.  Now that he’s found religion and become a real jerkass I think he’s still pretty yawn inducing.  It’s also odd that Sookie had no idea what was going on with him until now because she really hasn’t done much except go to a fairy strip club all season.  We finally get a nice blood bath as our motley crew infiltrate the VA.  Guards are exploding left and right and Jason is in full-on Rambo mode.  Sookie lets Pam and Jessica out of their silver cages and Pam is surprised, and very pleased, when Tara lays a big smackeroo on her.  Jessica says, “I knew it!”  She finds Jason and tells him she loves him and he says he could never love a vampire.  Damn!

Jason's best line of the season: "That train has sailed!"

Salome is ready to drink all of Lilith’s blood.  She foolishly believed Bill when he told her that Lilith appeared to him and told him to protect Salome, for she was the chosen one.  Big mistake Salome!  She tosses it back and falls to the floor in pain.  Bill has put silver, a lot of silver, in the blood.  Salome says Bill has tainted Lilith’s blood.  He pulls out another vial and reprimands her for acting so quickly and not recognizing who her real enemy was.  Right before Bill stakes her, she says that Lilith has chosen him wisely.

As the rest of the crew makes good on their escape Eric and Sookie head into Bill’s room.  Eric tells him that Lilith is a mad god but Bill is having none of it.  Sookie steps in and tearfully pleads with Bill that this is not the man, or vamp, that he is.  He tells her that what he said the first night he met her is true, “Vampires often turn on those they love.”  What a bastard!  Bill says he is sick of apologizing and trying to make amends for what he is.  He uncorks the vial on Lilith’s blood and drinks it all up.  He immediately begins bleeding from his eyes, mouth, nose and probably other orifices that I shall not name here.  Then he…explodes!  But wait there’s more!  As Eric is comforting Sookie, the pool of blood on the floor begins to move, and Bill arises in full on Lilith type glory.  He has become the new profit.  As he bares his fangs Eric tells Sookie to RUN!

"Damn! This blood is going to be a bitch to wash off!"

There you have it folks.  Thanks for hangin’ in there with me.  One of my many questions is where is Warlow?  Remember him?  The vamp that signed a contract with Sookie’s great great great Grandpa.  What the hell happened to that story line?  Maybe in season 6 the ancient Warlow will try to do battle with Bill…something to ponder…for a whole damn year!  You can catch a bonus scene, only a minute long, but still interesting, on HBO.com.  Please let me know what you think will happen next year, let’s discuss!

 

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